This is a repost*
These days, I am constantly dipping, in and out, of emotional fragility. Its almost like my body is fearful of stability.
I've come to terms with my lack of ‘knowing’. Each year I grow older, the self-indulgent 15-year-old girl, that believed she knew everything, becomes pleasantly silenced. This is partly through the strange and baffling world around her and partly because of her own reflective behaviors (or lack thereof).
I am not saying I know nothing, but, I’m also not, not saying I know nothing. And, I am okay with this. There is a deep, eternal respect growing for those that are older and those that have chosen to become wiser. Gaining their life lessons through reflection and hindsight. A powerful place to be in is a place where you choose to learn and choose to evolve.
Who am I if I do not listen to those who have come before me? To those that have ten or twenty-plus years on me, with a plethora of life lessons, absorbed by the integral messages we receive from the world around us.
And no, this is not to say that, I, or, other young people know absolutely nothing of this world, but, in this current ‘information era’, I think issues with listening to speak, rather than to learn, are very apparent.
I see it a lot and it’s not just a generational attribute, is it a young person’s trait?
We are and we aren’t naive.
We are and we aren’t wise.
We are and we aren’t young.
Right now, at this moment, I am fearful of what’s to come. What I do not know, I am curious and hesitant, it is both good and bad. I have experienced varying levels of insidious events, numerous even. These moments were dealt to me, by the hand of ‘god’ and the world in its present form. And people. Many, many people.
There is still so much to endure, so much I haven’t seen, so much I haven’t done. An incredible and frightening notion. Although, wanting to live and to experience, after years of darkness, is a truly glorious thing.
If there is some ‘great’ lesson I learned, it is the ability to trust in myself. I never used to, my intuition would call and be left unanswered. Even now it could be stronger, but, it’s the strongest it’s ever been.
Trusting in your abilities and capabilities when you’re young is so fucking difficult. Your intelligence, creativity, kindness, talent and honesty, are all attributes that hinge on self-evolution and growth. How does one achieve this when there is still so much to comprehend? Well, I think the trick to this, is it being an endless cycle. It only stops when we are so old, that we are actually are okay with not learning anymore. Is there ever a moment like this? When you just look at the world and people and there is no wonderment left.
To be real with yourself is the hardest lesson of them all.
It will happen, trust me.